Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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