when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
