i already hear my dad disowning me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
