what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
