You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
