Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
PANTIES FOUND
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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