dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
