party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
