i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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