"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
