Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
