You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
