If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
