No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
