So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
