3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
