Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
