do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
