I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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