I've blown a few things in my day
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
