what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
