walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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