I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize