Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
