I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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