I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
