I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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