just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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