Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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