meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have fence marks all over my body
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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