you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
