hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
