If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
