I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
