Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
