i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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