I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
