You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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