two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
