I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
