How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
