I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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