My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
