my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
