hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
