just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
