Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
