I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
