All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
