Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
