you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
