Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
