eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
