THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
