You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
