OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize