porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
