Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
