Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He did a backflip because drugs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
