Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
