How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize