I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
