Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize