I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize