My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
