I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
