Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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