the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
