I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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