I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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