I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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