The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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