It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
