I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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