Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize