I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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