I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
