Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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