Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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