Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
