the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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