so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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