I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
