im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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