I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
