In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
