Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
