Can Purell be used as lube?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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