i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
