Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
