dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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