forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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