great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
