I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
