i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
