He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
