my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
