How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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