I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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