help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
