go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
