I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
